Liar, Liar, Join the Choir

Or Master Your Intentions

We all lie.  That is nothing new.  We lie so we don’t hurt someone’s feelings.  To avoid embarrassment.   To impress others.  To avoid trouble.  To protect a friend.   Those are the lies we tell on purpose.  Conscious choice.  I can’t help you with that.  But we also lie unintentionally.  Some will claim that these are not actually lies because no deceit was intended.  Others have referred to them as “honest lies,” which is both an oxymoron and a bit of an obfuscation.  For our purposes here, let’s consider a lie as simply saying something that is not true.  Because in personal and professional environments, and especially with the media, nobody ever circles back to acknowledge, “Oh, all good, he didn’t really intend to say that.”  The damage is done once it leaves our lips.   We do not get forgiven for unintentionally not paying our mortgage.  We are not forgiven when we unintentionally cause a car accident.  With mortgages and cars, we learn in advance how to protect ourselves.  We should do the same with what we say.   Here are some examples of how we lie without intention along with some tips to help you avoid these pitfalls in the future.

By Confirmation.  There was an old television show called “Columbo.”  It was about this detective who always seemed a bit hapless, but in reality, he was pretty shrewd.  He had this habit in almost every episode of asking a witness several questions, claiming he was done, and then he started to walk away. Just before he departed, he would turn back and ask one last seemingly random question.  Invariably the witness would be so desperate for that fleeting escape they would confirm just about anything.  That’s where he always got them.    In media interviews this often manifests in a similar way, when an interview is going well and towards the end. the reporter seeks assurance with a phrase that begins like “Oh, by the way, it’s true isn’t it, that…?”  I don’t think they are being malicious.  They just want to double-check a detail.  Then the interviewee, who up to that point has done great, wants to please, and says something like, “Yes, I think that’s right.”  That’s the nail in the coffin.  The solution here is simple - never confirm anything.  If asked to confirm something, simply restate the issue from your perspective based on what you know personally.  Or have the courage to say you do not know.  I have done that hundreds of times and I am still standing.   

By Assumption.  You know what you do when you assume?  You make an ass, um, well you know.  I will be fair and humble here and use one of my mistakes as an example.  I like visuals, so I asked our logisticians to send me pictures of trucks arriving at the field distribution center.  In the course of the day, I was emailed the photos, added a caption to them, and posted them to social media.   I thought I had done due diligence.   An hour later, I heard in a briefing that the trucks would be arriving in three hours.  I interrupted claiming that wasn’t possible because I have photos that showed they arrived.  That’s when I was told that the photos were of the trucks departing from their original location, not arriving at the new one.  Ugh.  Like Ronald Reagan once said, “trust, but verify.”  I was teased about that one and I deserved it.   

By Simple Accident (and Timing).  We all make mistakes.  But when it comes to our word, we should be twice as careful.  There are reasons why search and rescue professionals may call off a search.  But you don’t hear them say that there are no living people still trapped or missing.  Because they don’t know.   That topic is so sensitive and tragic that they are hyper alert about what they can say or not say.  A common lie by accident in a crisis is when a spokesperson uses data from a dated operational report without including the date and time of the information.  For example, one might brief the media that only 17% of the impacted area is without power.  But if a reporter has seen a more current report that the number has increased to 31%, the speaker loses credibility.   Cite the time. 

By Statistic.  In 2007, toothpaste company Colgate ran an ad stating that “80% of dentists recommend their product.” Based on the promotion, many shoppers assumed Colgate was the best toothpaste choice for their dental health.  That was clearly the implication.  In reality, the survey asked them to list several brands of toothpaste they would recommend.  We never learn the percentage of dentists who recommend other brands.  A lie is a lie even if it is a lie of omission.  Not cool.  And Colgate’s reputation suffered for a bit.  Statistics are often used in a crisis.  Hurricane Ida in 2021 was costlier than Hurricane Maria in 2017.  Sounds like Ida was worse, until you learn that there were varied report of about 100 deaths due to Ida, but more than 3,000 due to Maria.  Which sounds worse now?  No two crises are the same and to compare them or use statistics without context is a good way to create a whole new crisis, this time with trust.   

By Quoting a Lie (Without Citation).  The most common way I have seen this is when otherwise intelligent and seasoned communicators quote something that was reported in the news, without citing the source.  That is a dangerous practice because the media makes mistakes, and you are risking your good word on their accuracy.  If the Kansas City Star reports that three tornadoes touchdown and you then use that as your own information, you are taking a big risk and may be lying by quoting a source you haven’t cited.  Then it becomes your words.  Hard to explain later what you said when there were, in fact, only two tornadoes, and they ask you about the third one.  I bet many of you are reading this and thinking nobody would make that mistake.  Unfortunately, I have seen it and corrected it more times than I care to count.  Cite the source.

By Speculation.  I worked for a very strong, bold, and intelligent boss several years ago, who was implementing a housing plan in a devastated community.  He wanted me to tell the media that we would have 40 temporary homes in place and occupied by the end of the month.  I had not been at the organization long, but I knew enough to be aware that we did not always achieve our bold goals.  I pushed back.  He was not happy, but he relented.  At the end of the month, we were able to tell the truth, and a good news story, about the 34 homes that had been completed.  Had we stuck with the original idea, we would have lied by speculation and the success would have seemed like a failure.   

Commit to speaking with intention and you will never make a mistake again.  Okay, that was a lie.  I am going to tell another lie today to get out of a social commitment.  Us introverts do this often.  At least I am telling a lie on purpose, and I am prepared for the consequences. 

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